I've got a new plan ... well, not really, my plan still is to achieve World Domination, but I think I have located a new ally in my quest. It's called a Dyson.
I've learned that bad, evil things are said by humans to suck. This Dyson also sucks. Therefore, using Fluffy's Third Corrollary to Blackie's Law of Ridiculous Relational Properties, the Dyson must be evil. If you've never studied Feline-ential Equations, the logic is probably over your human head.
Woman thinks she can control this machine, but I have seen it eat curtains of its own volition. This upsets her and makes a terrible noise. Unlike my fellow feline house dwellers and the dumb dogs, I am not afraid of Dyson. Nay, I feel a strange camaraderie with it as it also suffers from the MAIN FLAW. I like the feel of my coat being thinned of loose fur by this device and follow Woman around while she attempts to exhibit her mastery over it. She gets annoyed because I always seem to trip her while she is doing battle, but ... sigh ... evil dictates that I must take its side over hers.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
It's about time I started my journal. After all, if I am to succeed in world domination, wouldn't it be nice to document my progress?
I chose to cohabitate with a human family during my quest for dominance. They have a soft spot for furry beings and I have to share the house with a number of cats and even some (it pains me to say it) dogs. But this is good because the humans are easily fooled by my barely audible meow and my soft fur. Unfortunately, I have not yet found a way to convince them to act as a sort of prosthesis for me in order that I may overcome the MAIN FLAW.
Today, the woman had chicken. With the help of housemates Darius, Stuff Kitty and Goldie, I managed to convince Woman that we needed the chicken more than she! It requires a lot of energy to take over the world, so I did my best to steal the chicken that was intended for the others through the use of an ingenious food inhalation technique that I have perfected. It enables me to eat so fast that I am easily able to grab the extra pieces put out for the others before they get them. Apparently, being evil also burns calories, because I have maintained my exquisite feline physique.
Fortunately, the two Siamese kittens were locked in another room, so I didn't have to bully them away. They are so persistent that I sometimes have to be quite mean to them. This is very annoying because Woman notices and starts to see through my sweet kitty disguise.
I chose to cohabitate with a human family during my quest for dominance. They have a soft spot for furry beings and I have to share the house with a number of cats and even some (it pains me to say it) dogs. But this is good because the humans are easily fooled by my barely audible meow and my soft fur. Unfortunately, I have not yet found a way to convince them to act as a sort of prosthesis for me in order that I may overcome the MAIN FLAW.
Today, the woman had chicken. With the help of housemates Darius, Stuff Kitty and Goldie, I managed to convince Woman that we needed the chicken more than she! It requires a lot of energy to take over the world, so I did my best to steal the chicken that was intended for the others through the use of an ingenious food inhalation technique that I have perfected. It enables me to eat so fast that I am easily able to grab the extra pieces put out for the others before they get them. Apparently, being evil also burns calories, because I have maintained my exquisite feline physique.
Fortunately, the two Siamese kittens were locked in another room, so I didn't have to bully them away. They are so persistent that I sometimes have to be quite mean to them. This is very annoying because Woman notices and starts to see through my sweet kitty disguise.
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