Breakfast was late.

This morning, Man brought a brown paper bag into the house. When Woman opened it, I smelled eggs and ham. I patiently watched, although my tail may have twitched a bit, as they laughed and ate, oblivious to my hunger pangs. To add insult to injury, they gave small remains of their breakfast to Dog and Puppy.

Not one to take such insult sitting down, I jumped up and told them to feed me in no uncertain terms. Man had the audacity to taunt me, laughing a torturer's laugh as he asked me if I was hungry and then telling me that he wasn't since he had eaten, adding that I might have already eaten if I had opposable thumbs! The nerve! As Fred (that's me) always says, "Mentioning the Flaw will get you The Claw!" The cruelty of Man makes Woman's nail clipping and fur brushing sessions seem tame. It would seem that, while she is practiced in the art of Cat Torture in the name of Cat Care, Man is a Master of Cruelty for his own amusement.

Man's miscalculation in all this is that he has forgotten to take into account that I am Fred, Evil Incarnate. As the great philosopher and feline military leader, Patches, once said, "He who purrs last, purrs loudest." And nobody outpurrs Fred! Fortunately for me, Man is hopeless at hiding his things. Unlike Woman, who puts her belongings in drawers that prevent access to those with the Flaw, Man leaves his things lying about. Plenty of opportunity for an intelligent, patient Cat to take his revenge.

I heard Woman mention The Tree yesterday. If those silly Humans put that Tree thing in the living room again, Vengeance is Mine!!!